Oh shit…

Dear god no.

When I first came up with the idea for this series, Twilight was the first thing that popped into mind as the ultimate example. I bag on it constantly. I had never read the book, and never seen either of the movies. Yet somehow I’ve managed to wax eloquently on it’s shortcomings ever since I first saw it mentioned on facebook flair. I know the gist of the thing – sparkly vampires, misogyny, mormonism – but is it alright to really hate something you’ve never read? Probably. But I’m a guilty man, and this allows my conscience to sleep at night with the rest of me. Which generally sleeps pretty well. Keep in mind, this is coming at you in segments spaced out by my ability to actually read the book.

So far I’ve made it through two chapters.

I guess it’s not as bad as I expected. But then again, there hasn’t really been any sparkling or staring as of yet. What it is so far, is a pretty aggressively mediocre book. The writing is bland, but clear and serviceable. The characters are, well – boring. But they’re not annoying to the point of angering me. Well, Bella’s getting pretty close. I’m a bit too old to enjoy reading about such a petulant, arrogant teenage girl. She’s somehow simultaneously self-depricating and superior, sharply intelligent and stupidly unaware.

Actually, so far Bella Swan is basically the equivalent of literary astrology. She a big bag of good qualities every teenage girl would like to be, a few manageable negative ones, and nothing unique or specific enough to keep her from being a mask for the reader to wear and say “she’s just like me!” Hell, even I can put myself in her place. I’m clutzy. I’m smart. Unfortunately, I like snow and rain, so the similarities end there – because all she ever does is complain about the weather.

On the other hand, Edward Cullen is basically an Edwardian stereotype filtered the hot-gentleman-jerk lens. Well, at least that’s how I read him in the two pages out of fifty that’s he’s actually said something. I’m finding myself motivated to read more just because so little information has been given out so far. I want to read about sparkles, and anti-feminist ramblings and all the things I hear everyone talking about, but so far it’s just a medium boring book about how much rain sucks and old trucks rule.

Which I guess is a positive thing for me to say about twilight.

I’ll keep you posted.

Left: How I picture Edward Cullen for maximum erotic effect. Right: Casting directors – you're doing it wrong.

Choice Quotes and Idle Observations:

Twilight’s equivalent to a joke: “I never looked a gift truck in the mouth — or engine.”

Bella describing the vampire kids when she first see them during lunch: “They were faces you never expected to see except perhaps on the airbrushed pages of a fashion magazine. Or painted by an old master as the face of an angel.” Does anyone else see the dissonance in lumping these two examples together? Anyway you slice it, these are the kinds of comments that make me dislike Bella.

Deviation into mixed unnecessary metaphors: “Last night I’d discovered that Charlie couldn’t cook much besides fried eggs and bacon. So I requested that I be assigned kitchen detail for the duration of my stay. He was willing enough to hand over the keys to the banquet hall.”

Bella on snow: “Sure it was drier than rain — until it melted in your socks.” My dear, I’m afraid that if you’re stuffing snow in your socks, you have bigger problems than the weather.

The science teacher’s name is Mr. Banner. I keep hoping for him to get angry about being in this book, hulk-out, and smash all the annoying teenagers to goo.

-JasonShare/Bookmark

Let me start by saying that I’m not just some regressive man-child who can’t claw his way out of the haze of his own childhood because mommy drank too much and daddy yelled at him for not being enough of a man. In fact, I’m long since over all of that. No, I realize that there were more than a few terrible games made during the 8-bit era of my youth, and some of them were even ones that I enjoyed at the time. I did in fact enjoy the first Godzilla, but it had a whole lot more to do with the fact that it was the only game my parents ever rented for me, and this only because I had gotten a fly trapped in my ear and had to visit the emergency room. However, I have no illusions about the quality of said game. My taste is untainted by the saccharine of memories past.

In fact, I currently spend a good deal of my free time playing bygone videogames (mostly NES games) that I never played as a child. Why? Because I like hard fucking games, That’s why. I’m only middling good at playing them — my greatest accomplishment being split between beating Bionic Commando, and almost beating Bayou Billy — but the sense of accomplishment that comes from making progress in a game that relentlessly pounds your ego into the ground easily trumps the cakewalk that a lot of games seem to have become in the last decade or so. I realize that you game developers out there really want us to experience all of your brilliant story, but I didn’t come to watch the show – I’m here for it to make me feel bad about myself.

So here’s where I tie it together with something that matters.

Gaming like this gives me the same rush and drive that making comics does. Both are harder than shit. They make me feel bad, and frustrated, and sometimes really want to break my tools (and sometime I actually do). But somehow, they’re both still fun. Why? How does an activity that causes me pain and anxiety keep me coming back? It could be the thrill of having everything go right. Sometimes it feels like I’m skating on butter with four legs in slow motion. I couldn’t screw it up if I tried. Other times I’ve left my apartment and walked into a nearly frozen over lake just to try and quench the frustration. (I’d like to point out that this was not over a video game. I was trying to draw a doorway.) Maybe it’s just the feeling of overcoming something that you couldn’t the day before. Who knows…

All I know is I’m crazy for doing both. I need a hobby that’s more relaxing.

Anyway — happy Monday you teaming multitudes.

JasonShare/Bookmark

I have these sorts of conversations with myself fairly frequently.

So, after tearing up the fifth attempt at penciling this singularly frustrating (but stupidly simplistic) panel, I settled in for a night of deadened emotion and surfing the interwebs. Shortly thereafter, I stumbled upon a review of this game:

Videogames can go both ways for me when I’m at a high level of frustration. Some make it better, some make it worse. Some games I play for the frustration of continually failing. It makes the eventual success all the more satisfying when it finally happens. This game, however, somehow manages to work on both levels. It’s certainly not an easy game, but the continual building up of the song as you get further and further into the level (each of which is upwards of 15 minutes long) and the simple but hypnotic visuals induce a sort of trance, and you can’t help but be pulled along with the beats.

And then I sat down and laid out the panel that had been frustrating me for hours.

Not bad, Bit.Trip Beat. Thanks for the helping hand.

Later,

JShare/Bookmark